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doare. doare al naibii de tare.

am incercat sa te inteleg, sa caut o explicatie rationala de ce te porti asa, am incercat sa empatizez – chiar mi-am dorit sa fii fericit.

chiar mi-am dorit sa te fac fericit – sa fim impreuna, sa-ti fac un copil. sa imbatranim impreuna. sa vedem lumea impreuna.

sa facem poze – sa-mi faci poze. sa cream impreuna. sa fim de neinvins impreuna.

nu pot – de una singura nu pot. nu mai pot.

asta e biletul meu de adio.

sa fii fericit, asa cum stii tu.

te-am iubit si am sa te iubesc mereu, in cer si pe pamant.

One Week

One Week

If I were to describe the days of the week as if they were people, they would probably look like this:

 

Monday – The Grumpy One

  • You know Monday’s going to be the toughest one ever since Sunday’s anxiety kicks in at about 8 PM. This day is all about managing to survive despite the long gone effects of the weekend bliss, starting with the blackest coffee in the morning, attending the monthly team meeting, skipping lunch and submitting that urgent staff report to the HR department.

Tuesday – The Average One

  • At least this one starts better – you haven’t hit the snooze button even once. Fresh and clean post morning shower, you struggle to make your way through the crowds on your daily commute to the office. This shouldn’t be long, you encourage yourself, already irritated after someone stepped on your toes – it’s fine, really ma’am, don’t worry about it. You manage to find an empty seat and you delve into your graphic novel.

Wednesday – The Optimistic One

  • The brief meditation session in the morning works wonders – you are managing Wednesday like a pro. Interesting chat with a colleague about a career change and going solo as an entrepreneur – who wouldn’t want to work for themselves instead of focusing to achieve sales targets and KPIs ? A really good discussion – apparently all this office chit chat isn’t nonsense after all. Going to see a movie inspired by video games after work with your bestie – you smile, looking forward to that.

Thursday – The Active One

  • Bacon and eggs breakfast morning, coffee after lunch to boost your productivity and intense workout at the nearby gym in the evening. Sometimes you wonder why all these people exercise – just to keep fit, because they have nothing else better to do or because they want to look more attractive in the eyes of the others ? The instructor is ruthless and brutally interrupts your stream of thoughts – at least your abs will thank you later.

Friday – The Relaxed One

  • Enjoying a glass of wine with your significant other on the best rooftop terrace in the city, caressed by the soft sunset beams – silence is just better in two.

Saturday – The “Lazy pants” One

  • Binge watching Netflix all day, shamelessly ignoring the house chores, having to go to the supermarket for groceries or the fact that your cat is literally screaming at you asking for food. I have two words for you – couch potato.

Sunday – The Mellow One

  • Just sitting in at Starbucks enjoying a coffee while working at designing your website. What you like the most about this place is that it feels like home, the barista already knows your order and the background jazz music is so relaxing. Making plans for the holiday – it has to be sunny and warm, far-off to feed your wanderlust and absolutely amazing. Actually, I’m going to go buy that perfect swim suit right now out of pure excitement. Monday anxiety will kick in later but who cares ?
Where do random thoughts come from?

Where do random thoughts come from?

Here’s how a modern dadaist composition would sound nowadays, using the cut-up technique with random word generator:

“I was very proud of my nickname throughout high school but today – I couldn’t be any different to what my nickname was. I will never be this young again. Ever. Oh damn… I just got older. The mysterious diary records the voice. Mary plays the piano. The waves were crashing on the shore; it was a lovely sight. Abstraction is often one floor above you. They got there early, and they got really good seats. Where do random thoughts come from? She advised him to come back at once. I currently have 4 windows open up… and I don’t know why. I am happy to take your donation; any amount will be greatly appreciated. The river stole the gods. Should we start class now, or should we wait for everyone to get here? The sky is clear; the stars are twinkling. Don’t step on the broken glass. Wednesday is hump day, but has anyone asked the camel if he’s happy about it? I really want to go to work, but I am too sick to drive. If you like tuna and tomato sauce- try combining the two. It’s really not as bad as it sounds. I am never at home on Sundays. There was no ice cream in the freezer, nor did they have money to go to the store.”

Tristan Tzara, you should be proud of myself.

Still Life

Still Life

The sky is grey, the hills all green and misty, the house is still…I hear birds singing and children playing and a certain kind of sadness embraces me, that I cannot escape…

This sense of expecting something to happen is beyond tolerance, I feel trapped inside this room, inside this body, inside my wicked mind which plays tricks on me…the fleeting memories, the unbearable inability to forget, the random thoughts, the hopelessness of it all…

I watch the clouds out of the window and they move so fast, it’s quite peculiar…In no other place do they move as fast as here, at this time and space..and along with them, the fireworks of melancholy and despair, irradiating from within myself…

The football court is deserted too, the children are not playing anymore; they must be indoors, doing their homework, while waiting for the rain to start..or watching TV with their siblings or playing video games…or cuddling with their cat and daydreaming…the thought of this fills me with sudden tenderness and I cannot help smiling coyly…

Today is the 4th of July and the Americans are celebrating their Independence Day. Happy 4th of July I guess!